Ok so I got the message. I haven't had a drink or so much as an aspirin for 3 days. (This will be my fourth) I didn't think I was as bad as I am. I thought the first day my headache wouldn't go away. I couldn't concentrate for any time on anything. I felt like bugs were biting me all over my body. My mind was broken up into little tiny pieces. Actually now that I think about it, last night was the first night I was able to read.

The bugs have gone away, but every time I feel bored, I think how nice it would be to be in oblivion right now, then I feel awful about even thinking that. Then I feel guilty about starting with the alcohol in the first place. Then I'm down.

So.....being bi-polar the down swings really suck so.....I've found a switch.....I've read War and Peace in two days....and I've started a book on foreign policy.

About being social.....I have a really schizoid relationship with others. I'm an aerobics instructor....I stand in front of 30 people a day in a bathing suit.....I'm not a great beauty.....but when it comes to socializing with anyone but my husband, I'm really not that interested.

I need God in my life. I don't know if it's going to be in the religion that I grew up in. That in itself is really scary to me. I'm a third generation Mormon, straight from pioneer stock. They gave up everything they had to join this church, and it feels so empty to me.

Thank you all for your comments to me. I do need your help. Let me know if I can help any of you
Dana/aka Xena (xena is my pug's name and yes I'm a dog freak)